So every time I go back to California to visit, I experience a phenomenon that I'd like to call "the crunch." Perhaps you are familiar with it:
When you buy your tickets to go back to your homeland, you stare at the little airline purchasing calendar, negotiating between your head, your heart, your schedule in your second home, and your wallet. You remember a time that you went to the motherland for too long, and you started to feel bored, and like you were intruding on everyone's workdays. You remember a time when you went to the motherland for too short of a trip, and everything was rushed and tiring. You try to choose an amount of time that's somewhere in between.
But as soon as you make the purchase and announce your visit to your friends and family, the crunch begins. Suddenly, you realize that you could easily spend the entire trip with each person who gets in touch with you and says they want to see you. You try to map out an itinerary that fits everyone in, but people are in different cities, people have kids and jobs, you don't have a car, and you want to spend as much quality time with your dear grandmother as you can! Crunch goes your schedule. Crunch goes your wallet. Crunch goes your heart. The guilt can really weigh on you!
You know it's ridiculous, but you actually start to feel sorry for yourself because you have so many awesome people in your life and not enough time to spend with all of them.
Has anyone else experienced the crunch? Is anyone else experiencing it right now, like I am, while trying to plan their trip home for the holidays?
I'm so happy to be going back to the US for a visit, but I'm feeling really, really guilty about not being able to spend more time with everyone.
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I am! Ok, it is not my homeland, but people who I really love and care about live in the US. So each trip is harder and harder to plan, because my friends like to move. Some of them are just like family for me. And I miss them!
ReplyDeleteI am planning for July/August, but I'm already going crazy. Probably I'm not going to DC visit my aunt, because my budget is really tight. Oh yes, she'll kill me. Then the plans are Ohio - alwasys OH, there is nothing to do, but nice people to meet -, Pennsylvania and Florida. If my aunt reads I am going to Florida and I am not going to visit her, she will come to Brazil and kill me.
Even the list is already made: People to see, things to do.
I love to tell them: I am going to see you in X months!
Hey Danielle,
ReplyDeleteYeah, it's tough when you back. It's hard when you go back home for a wee visit and want to meet everyone. I did it twice last year. It's tough going, no holiday, well for me it's two weeks in the pub and spending days hungover and not getting to meet everyone. You want to spend time with everyone but ye can't! I find it impossible to meet everyone I want to. Best thing is to please yourself, cos if you can't do that, who's happy?!
You just described the story of my life, every time I go back home, it's a war against time and schedules!
ReplyDeleteI can't even imagine going to Sao Paulo and not having a car, thank GOD I have very generous friends to let me use their cars when I am visiting.
It is tough Danielle, and we get better at time management while trying to make it all work.
What helps me is that Brazilians are very flexible when it comes to social commitments, so my family and friends know when the time is tentative and we adjust it to fit everyone's possibility, and there is always the case that we have to cancel on people or they end up canceling on us and I always end up guilty about not visiting this or that loved one.
I guess it comes with the territory.
I would need at least a month in Sao Paulo to be able to visit all my friends and family.
Have a nice trip, just breath and take one step at a time
Abracos
Ray
Great post Danielle! I went back for 2 whole months last trip and after about 6 weeks I almost had some kind of breakdown due to exhaustion. I was trying to fit everyone and everything in - going out for drinks every night, fancy meals in expensive London restaurants. It was great fun and I knew that I had to take the opportunities when they came, but it was seriously draining (physically, mentally and financially).
ReplyDeleteAnd on the few occasions I had to say no, I felt terrible. The good side effect was that after those 6 weeks, I just went back to my mum's house and spent a whole weekend with her - cooking/eating, chatting and sharing a bottle of wine or two. I didn't take any phone calls or meet up with friends and it was the best weekend of the lot! :)
This is why my husband and I bought a car to keep at my parents house! We weighed the cost from renting and how often I came how and figured it was a better price.... crazy the things we do :) Now that I am moving back to the States I am super happy to not have to purchase a car along with a house upon return. Not to mention the car is almost paid off!
ReplyDeleteI have the same problem visiting family back in the UK. I'm also fortunate enough to have managed many visits home when on business trips, but when I don't have any business travel lined up - like now - people start asking why I have not visited for a long time! Hard to get it right!
ReplyDeleteWe feel that with going to Brazil. You experience it -- "Hey, let's get together EN ROUTE to another place." It sucks because there are so many people you want to spend quality time with, but only so much time you have. I hope your time is well spent with all the right people!
ReplyDeleteAwww...I so get this. You put it into words beutifully. I feel a strain, too, because I have my family in Maryland and several very important & dear friends, then some people I'm terribly close to in Austin Texas, and then the many good friends and my favorite place in the USA No Cal.
ReplyDelete